something else.

March 22, 2009

I’m going to go about this another way. Maybe.

My therapist suggested I make a list of all the things that I am happy about. All the things that are going right.

Maybe this is that. small victories.


Cross Posting is the New Productivity

February 20, 2009

This has nothing to do with the theme of this blog. Maybe I should really screw the theme. (PS. Jen’s pretty much fallen off the face of the Earth. Or maybe she’s just spending too much time on the East Side.)

Sarah wrote this post about Late Night with Conan O’Brien on her tumblr, and posted it on Facebook as well. I’ve written a response. So I’m going to cross-post it as well to my WordPress. OH INTERNETS WHAAAT.

I haven’t watched Conan recently with as much frequency or appreciation as I did, say, for the first 11 or so years. (Honestly, I’m pretty sure I started dropping off not long after Mike Sweeney took over…) But the last couple months, especially the last couple weeks, I’ve really started reflecting on just how much Conan and Late Night really meant to me.

Maybe it’s saying too much to credit a television show with contributing such a large chunk to your development; but it’s the truth. Conan appeared the same year that I got a television in my room. Much like sarah, I spent many nights attempting not to laugh so hard or loud that I woke my parents. I’m pretty sure there were plenty of times I didn’t succeed. Maybe I would have made it to more classes in Catholic school if I hadn’t discovered Conan… I doubt it.

I don’t remember every time I went to Conan. (Mostly because the memories all run together.) But I definitely remember the times I went with sarah. Lurking around the basement of 30 Rock. That building is almost magical to me, it might be my favorite place anywhere. I remember the early (and cold) mornings standing in line, I remember painting our nails, I remember waiting for Erica to show the eff up, waiting for guests after the show. I remember obnoxiously filling in Mike Sweeney’s punch lines because I’d heard them so many times and I thought they were horrible. What an asshole move. Besides for the newsgroup, I spent a bit of time on this weird AOL message board with only about 5 or 6  folks that were all weirdly obsessed with the 7. But hey, I mean, who would I be if I didn’t know who Mark Pender was?

In 1996 I sent away for tickets to the Third Anniversary show. I remember the day I got my tickets in the mail, I cried. At the time, I thought it was maybe the most awesome thing that ever happened. I had definitely won the lottery. My mom brought me because I wasn’t old enough to be in the studio without a parent and she stood on the line with me for several hours to make sure we got in. We didn’t know who the guests were going to be. And then I saw Janeane Garofalo walk in. Scott Thompson, whom I embarrassingly yelled, “I love you!” to when he walked in the studio was also on the show. The whole thing could not have been more amazing to a 15 year old me if I’d booked the show myself. In fact, I felt like I had.

I met lots of random comedians and B-celebrities in the lobby at 30 Rock, and some super-crazy fans and autograph collectors, but I never actually did meet Conan. He always took too long to come downstairs. I met Andy once, at Caroline’s at a Scott Thompson show. I gathered the courage to walk up to him, I was probably 17, and as I stood in front of him, my neck totally tightened up and all I could say was, “Oh my god, this is so awkward, my neck won’t move.” (I only just recalled this moment thanks to Paul F. Tompkins’ twitpics of the wrap party.) It might have been one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

I don’t have any memorabilia as cool as sarah does – I always used to envy her website making skills (I still do), and those cookies – but those experiences of going to Conan and bonding with friends really changed my life. Most of the time I barely left the house and I didn’t have many friends, but that one time every so often going into the city to meet my friends and hang out at 30 Rock for a day seemed to make up for it all. Without exaggeration.

It’s corny, it’s sentimental, and maybe it is just a tv show, but I really do agree that tonight marks the end of an era. A lot of the time, I don’t feel like an adult either, but at the same time, Conan taking over the Tonight show makes me feel really old. Time fucking flies.

Clearly, I’m the Worst

February 15, 2009

Yeah, that’s all I gotta say today.

Fleeting Productivity

December 21, 2008

snow penguin, originally uploaded by sisterpuff.

It’s no secret that it takes a lot of effort to get myself to do even the things that I actually want to do. I didn’t want to lose my chance to make the first Snowman I’ve made in all recent memory so I paused the episode of Weeds I was watching, got out my gloves and a bottle of water and went to it. Unfortunately, the snow wouldn’t really pack and it took forever to make just the one “ball.” So instead, I made the first Snow Penguin I’ve ever made. Ever.

In the end, of the things that I actually manage to finish, maybe I like him best because he will melt. Also, crouching for nearly an hour was a great little work out.

What is an accomplishment anyway?

December 18, 2008

I did finish something before the last time I posted. Two somethings. Now, I just can’t seem to finish the incredibly insightful follow-up post I’m working on.

So instead, I will show you the two somethings.

The first is a wedding present for my cousin, and I’m reluctant to post it. The second is 10 years in the making, but I finally did it. I’m also reluctant to post that. Thing is, finishing the present is only the first step. I still have to get it printed, framed and sent, three things I’m notoriously terrible at. The second thing? That too is just a first step. Gee, I know I’m being vague, but I want to keep these things for after the cut.

First, I’ll build anticipation by listing some other recent and ridiculous accomplishments in order to encourage you to find pride in your own little feats:

  1. I thought of AND purchased an excellent Christmas present for my father, who never gets anything good because he doesn’t LIKE anything.
  2. I’ve been keeping my nails manicured and painted: I have not been biting them off!
  3. I finally unclogged my bath drain! (EW!)
  4. I watched seasons 1 and 2 of Californication, which I’ve determined is a) the most 90s show made not in the 90s and b) ‘Dream On’ if ‘Dream On’ wasn’t fucking wretched.

What I have not been able to do:

  1. Persuade Jen to write another post.

What I would like you to do:

  1. Browse the Wallpaper Graduate directory.
  2. Be grateful for the Parsons Institute for Information Mapping.
  3. Love the shit out of Blazers Basketball.
  4. Be kind regarding what’s after the cut…

Read the rest of this entry »

Don’t Hold Your Breath

December 11, 2008

Apparently Jen’s idea of procrastinating is not posting to this blog. Good thing she has a Blackberry to post all the around-town-goings-on. But really, she should be sending pictures to this blog as well. I guess food is much more entertaining than the desperation of writer’s block. No wait, I know it is.

So I’m posting. That must mean I finished something. And I did, but I’m not going to post about it right now. That’s right, this is a little post about nothing because it’s been so long since I have posted that I just couldn’t wait another second. But right now I need to shower and go to bed. So stay tuned. WHAT WHAT HOLLER.


November 18, 2008

Your mom is serious.

I am having a serious moment.

Jen, how’s your novel coming?

Seriously, is this blog even helping at all????? Well, I guess if Brian is getting to express himself to the world through iPhone Photography, it must be.

Ok. Phew. So, I saw a therapist for the first time in over 3 years a couple weeks ago. He asked me to think about the answer to the “miracle question.” Basically, if all your problems miraculously disappeared, how would you go about living your life?

Like Jen and her 1000 words a day (I at least read HER posts), what would I do if I wasn’t writing this blog?

Well, I have a bunch of things I would like to do. Make a book, finish my portfolio, open a store. But I don’t think Mr. Therapist wants to hear about that. Well, maybe he does, he seems nice enough, and he’s getting paid for chrissakes, but I think he’s more curious as to how I’m going to go about doing that. And that’s where I’m still stumped. As much as I can say I’m trying, I’ve got little to show for it. Anyone who knows me already has an arsenal of things to give me a hard time about.

How’s your website coming?

How come you don’t answer my e-mails?

Have you gotten your driver’s license yet, you 27 year old freak?

Usually my answer is somewhere between, “Well, I started…” and, “Eff off.” It’s quite shameful really.

I’m often inspired by those who set a goal to create one thing every day, but that’s just not for me and not just because of my inability to put an end to anything I start. It’s mostly that, but I also don’t want to finish things for the sake of finishing them. And let’s be honest, if I started one thing a day, I’d have a lot more unfinished work. Thus, here’s my goal for this blog. Instead of doing one thing a day, I will finish one thing per post. I can’t post here until what I’m working on is finished. If I do, all of the imaginary people reading this will be able to add to their imaginary arsenal. Public shame in action.

Hopefully I will post something before the end of the year.

-This Gal

PS. Did you hear that we totally gay-married James Franco immediately following the Milk premiere? We didn’t know that it was going to be legal in all of America AND the world, or even that we were all actually gay men (including James), but it somehow happened anyway, and the next day, the protests worked and Shimon Peres and Mahmoud Abbas got gay-married too and Bush and Ahmadinejad were both totally cured by the Care Bear Stare. See? Rainbows really are magic. The only person in the whole world that was sad was Sam Adams because we beat him to it.


Keep Portland Beerd

November 16, 2008

Our friend (most of the time) Toby the Frustrated iPhone Photographer, submitted this picture to thereluctantcreative. We have always felt that Johnny should open his own gallery of random iPhone pics. In the meantime, we’ll be his pimps.

By Brian T. Wilson, Dramatic iPhone Photographer

This just in: Carl would prefer to be tagged as a “Dramatic iPhone Photographer.” So be it, Babes.


What I wish about when I wish about writing

November 15, 2008

Since we’re writing a blog about how we don’t write (or design, or draw, or paint, or wash dishes, or fack) enough, I guess we should tell you what we wish we were doing more of. Maybe Erin already said her piece, I don’t have the attention span to read our own blog though, so pardon my redundancy.

I wish I wrote more novels. Wait! Correction! I wish I wrote more OF my novels. As in, I wish I didn’t write 80 percent of a novel in three weeks and then decide it’s total crap and abandon it to fester til eternity on my hard drive, then start a new one, and, RINSE AND REPEAT. I mean, what kind of dinkus has FOUR 80 percent finished novels on her hard drive? Hello? Anyone? I crave bad company here.

Are we setting goals? My goal is to write 1000 words a day on my novel. In the best of times, hopped up on no less than three bars of 82 percent cacao chocolate and lots of green tea, this would take me thirty minutes. In the worst of times it would take me seven months (yes,this is how long it’s been since I write anything on my latest novel).

I have to start the implementation of this goal on Saturday, because tonight I’m going to the Milk red carpet premiere with Erin, Michelle, and Michael. Our seats are six rows from Sean Penn’s seat. Naturally we’ve done nothing ALL DAY but email each other about what to wear. Verdict? Michelle is wearing a leather bra and her best stripper boots. Erin is wearing her marvelous new shoes she got on the Innernet and her Fonzie jacket, I’m wearing my diamond and bratwurst bustiere and new silver Paolo’s I got for a song yesterday at Nordy Rack, and Michael is wearing Sean Penn on his face. Oh my, just kidding! Don’t be jealous Brian Wilson! And if you’re wondering whether the omission of any lower body garments was an accident–it wasn’t. Running around Portland red carpet premieres in nothing but a leather bra and your wunderpants is the new black.

Hey, so wait, can we write dirty things about Michael and Sean Penn on this blog? Is that kosher? Is it kosher to say kosher? Sorry!

Should we have code names? Mine is Twat.

PS: I also want to run 1000 feet a day. I haven’t run since Paige broke her leg. I can’t run alone. Should running 1000 feet a day alone also be on my wish to do more of list? Am I overwhelming myself? Does this violate the principal of ‘baby steps?’

I’ll ponder this later, right now I’m busy tearing into my regularly schedule 4 pm Vosges bar.

Peace out,


I ♥ Squirrel

November 14, 2008

One thing that always pisses me off, as someone who never gets anything done, are people who get things done. Even more so, people who get things that aren’t very good done, and then are praised for their prolific nature.

You see it all over the place: awful drawing, awful design, awful writing, awful coding, awful food,* all with a beginning, middle and end.

From individuals with incredibly misplaced self-confidence peddling their wares on the internet, to large companies where you wonder just how many people put their input into a final product that is hardly worth existing.

Today I came upon the redesign (or re-imagining, perhaps) of the I ♥ NY logo and started on a trek across the internet trying to figure out answers to questions like:

Did it REALLY cost $17 million for just the logo? (Yet to find an answer.)
Did New York State really need Saatchi & Saatchi to launch this campaign? (Probably not? Maybe?)
What is their yearly budget? (Cannot find the answer.)
What was Travel Oregon’s budget? ($23 million over 2 3 years, including Wieden + Kennedy’s award winning 365 website.)

And then the final question:

Who the hell am I?


There’s a point when the, “I could have done that!” argument is just as lame and misguided as the the, “My kid could have done that!” argument. Well, no, I couldn’t have. Unless New York State was looking for a semi-witty ex-pat with half a portfolio and a thankless job at a non-profit to launch themselves into the league of their most famous city, an agency like Saatchix2 was an incredibly logical choice.

But things like the I ♥ Squirrel+Butterfly logo do tend to stare back at you saying, “What are you doing with your life? You have ideas! You could work there!” And your pathetic reply is just, “No, I can’t. Professional agencies prefer when work gets finished.” (Wanh, wanh.)

When we birthed this blog over a *less than adequate mini-pizza masquerading as tart that was the product of someone else’s dream, Jen suggested we could use SHAME as a mechanism to get people (including ourselves) off of their asses. We are completely willing to publicly shame anyone who is willing to join us in this endeavor of ass-lifting, but we will need your name, so leave a comment. (Your astrological sign may also be useful.)

And now, I will start. Let this serve as my own bit of shame:

You can’t see it, but the butterfly is staring right through you.